I keep writing posts.
Then not posting them.

I’ve written so many,
Left unpublished in the past two days
That I’m starting to think
I’m developing an unhealthy compulsive tendency.

That perhaps in an attempt
To nip it in the bud,
I need to post everything I write –

Long, short, disjointed…

At least until I can eliminate this habit
And replace it with a new
(Write & actually post it) one.

One of my issues
(Not to make excuses or cast blame)
Is that my mood
Is all over the place.

I feel heavy.
I feel light.
I feel sad.
I have moments of delight.

I want to make progress.
To move ahead.
But I’m struggling lately
Simply to get out of bed.

Since I have a long term habit
Of being too hard on myself
And beating myself up,

I will say, since Monday…
I have gotten some stuff done.

I finished & mailed the paperwork on my father’s
Life insurance & benefits,
Which was long over due.

I renewed my passport
(Today with a friend) –
Something I’ve needed to do
But the thought of which filled me with dread.

I blew some leafs off my patio.
Something I’m terrible at.
Instead of blowing them neatly into piles
I end up blowing them all over myself.

(I think I’m missing some technique,
Which I’m now determined to perfect.)

I’ve written 5 chapters
Of a book I hope to have out
By the first of the year.

Even with all of that done,
I feel I haven’t done enough,
Haven’t come near.

I beat myself up
With all the stuff
I’ve left undone.

But right now,
With the cloudy, dark sky,
The light pattering of rain,

I have a moment of calm,
A moment of clarity
When I relax knowing
It doesn’t matter…

It’ll all be okay.

Woman looks at colorful light reflections
 

 

 

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christie

Introvert. Avid reader. Social media shy. Animal lover. Yoga student. Green juice drinker. Whole Foods shopper. Tango dancer…


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