Last year I had new exterior doors & windows put on the house. To prepare (for the window installation) I had to take all the blinds, shutters & curtains down.
This one expensive & seemingly insignificant external change had a huge personal impact on me.
For most of my life, I’ve lived in fear – or the residual of it.
What all I’m afraid of compiles a long list (I’ll likely share with you at some later date.)
My longest standing…
Fear for my safety.
Extended childhood trauma coupled with physical threats to my life created within me a deep seated desire to hide.
This manifests in different ways. An obsession with privacy. Security systems. Withdrawal from the world. Learning to fight…
And, in terms of my home, I closed everything off from the outside. Keeping windows & doors locked tight.
My goal… To cut out all light.
Even though my home is naturally secluded, I wanted to make sure no one got (or saw) through.
I wasn’t hiding anything inside – other than myself.
I was simply trying to keep everyone & everything else out.