Other than on the most mundane topics, my mother refrains from giving me advice. If I have a big decision to make, she either remains silent. Or says something like, “You need to decide.” On the other hand, she freely offers all sorts of useless unsolicited advice. Like better ways to load the dishwasher, tips for scooping the litter pan… At this point, I just sigh.
I have three primary loves. Reading. Writing. Dancing. (Four if you count my love for animals.)
A little while ago, I walked away from dancing. I simply stopped. The higher my skill level went, the more bored, dissatisfied & disengaged I became. Until dancing brought no joy – only pain.
Contributing to the above… Something important was missing. The same thing mirrored back in my life. I’m searching for this rawness, this presence… An ability to fearlessly allow myself to be consumed… A capacity to breath joy, purity & grace… To pour all of myself into each breathe, word or step I take.
I told Mother I planned to start dancing again next year. Using this year to prepare my body. To get it in top shape.
Her response took me aback. It is the only time every I can remember her giving me advice (or offering her opinion) about what road I should take. She told me when I do (start dancing) I need to plan, prepare & dance to become one of the best.
When the time comes to begin dancing again, I may falter. Find myself without the energy, drive or motivation to do what I need. Regardless… This is the same energy, drive & motivation I seek to infuse into my life.
I want to be inspired. To be moved. For everything I do to be a form of art. A creation that comes out from within.. I want to move freely, spontaneously & organically through each day. Pouring myself, my heart, every ounce of my being into each action I take
For this is my definition of “being fully awake.”