This year was going to be year of transformational, big change. A year to really remember. To savior. A year that changed all that follows.
Quickly nearing halfway through the year, I feel I’ve already failed.
I’ve decided to learn new skills. Perfect old ones. Change some habits. Adopt new routines. Slow down… (But somehow this doesn’t feel like enough.)
Over time, I’m certain each will have an impact. (Whether that impact is good or bad has yet to be seen.)
For the moment, I’m trapped in a holding pattern, waiting to both implement all my changes and for the full effect of those shifts to catch up to me.
Most years All other years of my adult life, I started with a plan. This year, I released (reluctantly and with much of a fight) my almost obsessive need & desire to map the road ahead,
Realizing that I never know what terrain I might encounter. What might spring forth. What unexpected surprise might show up in my path.
In the past, my plans have blinded me to opportunities & synchronicity in life.
I’ve exhausted myself trying to move forward through effort & will. Causing me to push against the status quo. Creating friction, stress, unhappiness & overwhelm.
Planning equates to being trapped in my head. And, exhaustively following the plan takes me out of the present into a moment that exists nowhere.
For 2017 a large part of my goal is to simply be present, available & responsive to what comes (and what goes). To try for once to trust life’s flow.
One of my newest (and craziest sounding) habits…
Whenever I get stressed or feel my thoughts, to-do’s+ getting out of hand, I stop doing anything until I become calm & relaxed again.
Anytime I think:
I need to…
I have to…
I’m running behind…
I go against my internal drive for compulsive action. And, wait – however long it takes until I can access a better, more positive state.