Further into my past my dreams take me. To places long thought lost or dead.
Each night I close my eyes, I never know where in the morning I’ll land.
Some dreams send me clear messages.
In others, any message lost. Instead I fall down a rabbit hole, never knowing where I’ll come up.
The intensity & vibrancy of my dreams is unmatched in waking life.
This is part of what I search for… What I hope to find…
Deep colors, richer textures, more poignant emotions to guide me in life.
I have moments I come close.
Then… They leave. These moments I crave. I want to keep within me.
I easily get caught up in action, responsibility & daily maintenance of life.
When I do, my eyes glaze over. I become detached from my body. Ruled by my mind.
I rarely speak of this. Feeling it’s a desire not meant to spoken aloud. That society, our families, our environments… shape us purposely in a way to weed this out.
That wanting something different, something more would be seen as a childish fantasy or indulgence. It’s not how things are.
So, I keep quite. Continuing my search day after day.
Waiting until the day my senses ignite… My heart catches fire…. Everything around & inside me expands.
And, although I have many things to do. Countless thoughts vying for space in my head. It’s this I desire most.
Only from this place do I want to be lead.
Because without it (and until I find it) part of me feels dead.