I live a life dependent on schedules & daily maintenance.
When on schedule & adequate maintenance performed (at appropriate times), life runs like a well oiled machine.
Things are good. Things are under control. I am calm. Grounded. Centered…
Unfortunately… Many times some part of my system fails. And, when one tiny part gets out of whack (for even the shortest period), I’m sent into a tailspin.
Things tumble quickly out of control. Leading to critical, full system meltdown.
This is one of my great struggles when Mother’s here.
Try as I might, I can’t keep my schedule. Maintenance gets ignored. By the time she leaves, I feel shattered into a million pieces.
Leaving me for days to search for & pick up the dirtied, broken bits.
Then… Going through the inevitable process of trying to tape, glue or shove them back into a cohesive whole. (All before yet another meltdown presents.)
Add to that (this “that” being Mother)… Being away from home for two days…
And, I’m left feeling as if my entire life descended from order to chaos.
How this happens (and so quickly) perplexes me.
But, regardless… This is where I am.
Standing in the middle of a mess, which early last week didn’t exist.
Wondering… Where to start. While wanting desperately to avoid it at all cost.
So… Here I sit (after an unproductive morning and an essential afternoon nap). Wanting to procrastinate. To bury my head. To go back to sleep.
To wake with the consequences of the past 5 days long behind me – and their memories long dead.