A Year Of Change

Lost

When I'm quiet & alone, an undercurrent tugs at me. Always, at first, I scramble to stay afloat. Then wonder... What has taken hold? A word long ago learned, little used comes to mind. As it passes over my t...

Escaping The Past’s Grasp

I have only fleeting images of the past. Images I can't be certain are true. Still... It's effects (the lessons right or wrong, good or bad) are tattooed on my subconscious where unless something changes, they ...

Choosing Life

Lately I've been thinking about death. The inevitability of it. I don't linger in morbidity. Instead, my thoughts focus on how, by fully accepting our inevitable demise, we can live a more present, joyful li...

Now Or Never

I get no comfort from knowing this problem is not solely mine. That everyone around me struggles (in some way) to let the past fly. The more free of it I become, the more I feel the remaining weight bear dow...

The Struggle Begins

The root of everything in the present lies in the past. Where I am right now... A compilation of all my past decisions, thoughts & experiences. To continue the present... To continue doing the same thing(...

Stuck On Replay

I like to consider myself fairly self aware. Unfortunately, every now & then I notice something about myself which I had before been unaware. About a month ago I noticed I always replay conversations I'v...

Trying To Simplify The Complex

Rarely do I want anything simple. Perhaps that's natural. If it were simple, it'd be easy. If it were easy, I'd likely already have it. Therefore, desire wouldn't come into play. I want to feel freer, le...

The Next Move

The first 35 years of my life reads like a series of movies on a Lifetime Movie Marathon - Filled with pain, betrayal, deceit & drama. Now rapidly approaching my mid-40's, I'm doing better than ever before....

Rare Moments Of Clarity

Journal Entry: 6:17am Shadows of the past rest most heavily in my dreams. Where they wait to come out & torment me. Last night I dreamed of the past, present & future. Time had collapsed. Ceased ...

Exposing Myself

It's been almost four months since the new windows were put in. Each remains bare. The doors are now glass. Since windows cover the house, the end result... I feel like I'm standing around naked in fro...