Journal

Making It Through Another Day

I wake early Sunday morning engulfed by darkness, completely exhausted. A different type of fatigue than my day to day norm. One which runs down to my bones. It radiates out from my core. I lie still, willin...

Detour Ahead

I've written a record number of posts today. Seven (not counting this one.) All complete. All thrown away. Something's going on with me. I'm just not exactly sure what. If I were to guess... I'd think it'...

An Unspoken Dream

Further into my past my dreams take me. To places long thought lost or dead. Each night I close my eyes, I never know where in the morning I'll land. Some dreams send me clear messages. In others, any...

The Ties That Bind

I've been scared I was falling back into a trap from which I'd finally been freed. I tied myself in knots. Beating myself up. Thinking I was weak. That my actions proved I'd learned nothing. Until I realized...

A Well Worn Path

Backward I fall. Instead of forward I go. In the past 7 days, I've spent 2/3 of my time sleeping. The other 1/3 watching myself from far away slip into an uncomfortable, comfortable place. One from which I a...

A Temporary Reprieve

I expect to be offline until Monday. This weekend I begin an NLP Practitioner Course. All day Saturday & Sunday. (Several weekends a month.) As optimistic as I'd like to be about sustaining my energy lev...

Erasing Time

Yesterday, I slept. For almost 24 hours straight... A word of advice. If you're trying to remain strong... To resist temptations (of any kind, especially those rooted in the past)... Don't drink! Tuesday ...

A Big Mistake

In approximately 4 hours, I'm going to make a mistake. A big one. I don't like traveling back to the past. (Yet, I'm about to do just that.) The past holds nothing for me except faint echoes & whispers o...

An Altered State

My tenuous grip on time continues to slip. I try to hold on. Not to time itself. Just the concept & awareness of it. Yet, with each passing day I continue to fail. I wonder sometimes... Does it really matter...

Desiring Retreat

I've been living in an ever increasing state of overwhelm over the past couple of weeks. In the beginning, I did okay. As the stress mounted & continued, I got worn down. Now... I'm a frazzled mess. My mind...